Married man ending... sigh

Well, we ended it.  Turns out that the rumor mill is rampant.  He got paranoid about real life people knowing about us.  I still care for him a great deal, and he wanted to remain friends, but it was so painful to talk to him that I just couldn't do it and I ended up telling him it had to be over for good.  I might change my mind.  I really do miss him.  But at this point I have to maintain silence between he and I because I just can't see it ending well.

He always chickened out.  He was so taken with me but then he feels guilty.  I remember one time he said 'what, do you expect me to leave my wife?' which I resopnded with 'of course not'... but the truth is what did I expect?  I probably would have expected that one day and that would be so strange, considering I am married.  The grass is always greener on the other side and honestly at this point I realize that I really do love my husband, even if he doesn't thrill me like he used to.

Mid life crisis averted!

Been a while since I have written

Someone reminded me of the blog-o-sphere and I decided to read my old blog.  It makes me laugh a lot.  It also makes me miss venting here.  So I am going to vent about something right now.

I am interested in a married man.  Yep.  I am.  I never thought I would be.  I never in a million years thought that, but I am.  He was so sweet and so... manly.  However, he did something last night that made me realize how wrong this relationship is.

He hurt me.

Not only did he hurt me, but he did so unintentionally, however it was so painful I broke down and cried.  For hours.  Yet I still couldn't stay away.

I feel addicted to him in a way.  Like I can't not have him around.  Like I want him to want me so badly it hurts.  I want him to chase after me.  But he never will.

I know I need to let this go.  We haven't slept together and never will if I have a say, but I want to.  So badly I want to.  I just can't be 'that woman'... you know?? Why though does he tell me how badly he wants me and then turn around and hurt me like that.

Why can't I get him out of my thoughts.  Why.

Nicest Thing by Kate Nash
All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

Low-Cal Green Apple and Jicama Slaw

1 large red bell pepper, roasted, seeded and peeled.
3 green apples
2 med or 1 large jicama
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped (optional)
3 tablespoons tarragon vinegar or balsamic vinegar of the tarragon vinegar is unavailable.
6 tablespoons rice vinegar
3 tablespoons honey
Salt and Freshly ground white pepper to taste

Roast, peel and seed red pepper and cut into julienne strips. Peel, core and cut apples into matchstick-size pieces Peel and cut jicama into matchsticks. (I use mandolin for last two items on finest matchstick setting)

Combine red pepper, apple, jicama, parsley, vinegars, honey, salt and white pepper. Toss until well mixed. Serve cold and crispy.

Cloud Nine Fondue

1 14oz can sweetened condensed milk
1 10oz jar Marshmallow Creme
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla or almond extract
1 12 oz package semisweet chocolate chips

Combine all ingredients in a heavy saucepan. Cook slowly until well blended and creamy.

Makes 4 cups

Serve in a chafing dish over hot water.

Suggested dippers: Pineapple chunks, orange slices, banana slices, apple slices, marshmallows, chunks of angel food cake.

Sloppy Joes with Corn

Total Time: 45 minutes

1 teaspoon canola oil
1 cup finely chopped green bell pepper
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 1/2 lbs lean ground beef
1 6oz can no salt added tomato paste
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 14oz can fat free less sodium chicken broth
1 15 oz can no salt added corn, rinsed and drained OR substitute frozen corn
6 whole wheat hamburger buns, toasted

Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion, bell pepper and garlic; saute 3 minutes. Add meat to pan; cook 5 minutes or until browned, stirring to crumble. Stir in tomato paste, cook 2 minutes. Add chili powder, cumin, salt and broth. Reduce heat and simmer 12 minutes or until thickened, stirring occasionally. Stir in corn; cook for 2 minutes or until thoroughly heated.

Spoon about 1 cup meat mixture on bottom half of each hamburger bun; cover with top half of each bun.

Yield: 6 servings

Calories 338; Fat 7.5g; protein 31.7g Carb 40g; Fiber 6.2g; Chol 61mg; Iron 4.1mg; Sodium 638mg; Calc 72mg

Chris Cornell

I am listening to "Seasons" today and feeling melancholy. Maybe it is the pounding rain...

Summer nights and long warm days
Are stolen as the old moon falls
My mirror shows another face
Another place to hide it all
Another place to hide it all
And I'm lost, behind
The words I'll never find
And I'm left behind
As seasons roll on by

Sleeping with a full moon blanket
Sand and feathers for my head
Dreams have never been the answer
And dreams have never made my bed
Dreams have never made my bed

And I'm lost, behind
The words I'll never find
And I'm left behind
As seasons roll on by

Well I wanna fly above the storm
But you can't grow feathers in the rain
And the naked floor is cold as hell
The naked floor reminds me
Oh the naked floor reminds me

That I'm lost, behind
Words I'll never find
And I'm left behind
As seasons roll on by

If I should be short on words
And long on things to say
Could you crawl into my world
And take me worlds away
Should I be beside myself
And not even stay

Well I'm lost, behind
Words I'll never find
And I'm left behind
As seasons roll on by

Ruminating about past loves

My first love was the sweetest man. He was really into poetry and was very innocent and sweet. We kissed the first time late at night by the light of a television at a friends house after picking on each other all day.

Sometimes I long to hold him again. I know he isn't the same person, and neither am I, but I still love him with my entire heart. If you are out there reading this, my first love, I want you to know how special you are, and how I wish we had been able to work out a relationship between the two of us.

Tragic lovers, torn apart by pride and prejudice. I wish I could feel your touch again.. to know you love me, to recall that feeling when you came back from the service. To know your lips on mine again...

Your voice haunts me. I see you when I close my eyes, still at 17 years old. Still longing for me. Still welcoming me into your bed in the middle of the night.

Thoughts of you make my skin tingle. Thoughts of you make me long for yesterday. Thoughts of you make me remember how sensual and sexy you and I were together.

I miss you, first love.