Been a while since I have written

Someone reminded me of the blog-o-sphere and I decided to read my old blog.  It makes me laugh a lot.  It also makes me miss venting here.  So I am going to vent about something right now.

I am interested in a married man.  Yep.  I am.  I never thought I would be.  I never in a million years thought that, but I am.  He was so sweet and so... manly.  However, he did something last night that made me realize how wrong this relationship is.

He hurt me.

Not only did he hurt me, but he did so unintentionally, however it was so painful I broke down and cried.  For hours.  Yet I still couldn't stay away.

I feel addicted to him in a way.  Like I can't not have him around.  Like I want him to want me so badly it hurts.  I want him to chase after me.  But he never will.

I know I need to let this go.  We haven't slept together and never will if I have a say, but I want to.  So badly I want to.  I just can't be 'that woman'... you know?? Why though does he tell me how badly he wants me and then turn around and hurt me like that.

Why can't I get him out of my thoughts.  Why.

Nicest Thing by Kate Nash
All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something